When you don’t get the job

First: it’s allowed to sting

You put time and hope into this. Maybe you’d already pictured yourself doing the job. So a “no” hurts, especially if it’s not your first.

You don’t need to bounce back straight away or turn it into a lesson by teatime. Take the evening. Talk to someone you trust. Do something that has nothing to do with jobs.

What a rejection does and doesn’t mean

One employer’s decision is about one job, at one moment, compared with the other people who applied. It’s not a verdict on you as a person.

Some reasons people don’t get jobs have nothing to do with how well they did:

• Someone else had more relevant experience, even slightly.
• An internal candidate or someone they already knew applied.
• They needed someone available on different days.
• The role changed, was put on hold or was filled before they’d seen everyone.
• Lots of people applied and they could only pick one.

You usually won’t know which of these it was. That’s frustrating, but it also means you shouldn’t assume the worst. “I didn’t get it” is a fact. “I’m not good enough” is a story, and often not a true one.

If it keeps happening

Several rejections in a row are really common, especially for first jobs and apprenticeships, where lots of people apply for each place. If you’ve had a few, it’s worth looking for a pattern rather than changing everything at once.

These are starting points, not diagnoses. Pick one area, not all three.

Asking for feedback

Feedback can be genuinely useful. But it’s worth knowing before you ask that employers don’t have to give it, and many don’t, particularly for applications that didn’t reach interview, or when lots of people applied. If they say no or don’t reply, that’s not a second rejection. It’s just how their process works.

If you had an interview, your chances are better. Keep the request short, polite and specific.

Hi [Name],

Thank you for letting me know, and for the chance to interview for the [Role] position. I appreciate I wasn’t successful this time.

If you have a moment, I’d be grateful for any feedback on my interview, especially anything I could improve for future applications.

Thank you again for your time.

Kind regards,
[Your name]

Send it within a few days of hearing the news. Then let it go. If they don’t reply, don’t chase more than once.

When the feedback arrives

Feedback can be helpful and still sting. Read it once, then put it down for a few hours before deciding what it means.

• Thank them, even briefly. They didn’t have to send it.
• Don’t argue with it, even if you disagree. You can think it’s wrong. You don’t need to tell them.
• Look for the useful part. “Other candidates had more customer-facing experience” might point you to volunteering or part-time work. “Your answers were a bit general” points you to practising specific examples.
• Notice the positives, too. If they said you came across as friendly or well prepared, write that down. It’s evidence for next time.

Staying gracious matters. People move between employers, and the same company may advertise again. You want them to remember you kindly.

Reflection that actually helps

Going over an interview again and again in your head isn’t reflection. It’s rumination, and it makes you feel worse without changing anything. Real reflection is short, written down and ends with one action.

When to get more support

If job hunting is starting to really get you down, affecting your sleep or how you feel about yourself most days, please talk to someone: a friend, a family member, a teacher or tutor, or a careers adviser. If you’re at school or college, your careers adviser there is a good first stop. If you’re 18 or over and live in England, you can speak to a careers adviser for free through the National Careers Service. If you’re struggling with your mental health, your GP is a good place to start.